


Pushed and Pulled

by zappoly



Category: Clannad
Genre: Additional Characters, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Abuse, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Issues, Gen, Slice of Life, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-13
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-08 14:05:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1133524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zappoly/pseuds/zappoly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ushio has only met her father a total of three times in her life. The first time, she was born. The second time, he locked himself in her mother's old bedroom and refused to take even the slightest glance at his daughter. The third time, he stopped by long enough to hand her a small, useless toy robot. He means nothing to her. And she never expected to mean anything to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Different

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there, everyone! It's been a while since I've decided to write a story of my own. My last story was written almost four years years ago... which, clearly, is a very long time. Hopefully, my ability to write hasn't completely withered into nothingness at this point...so, I guess it's worth a shot writing this...
> 
> I'm a huge fan of Clannad, I finished watching the show about three years ago, and I finally decided to write my first story for the show! As you can probably tell from the summary, this story completely disregards one of (I think) the most important aspects of Clannad After Story. So, if that didn't happen, then...what did?
> 
> Please sit back, relax, and enjoy the strange things my mind has decided to do to the world of Clannad!
> 
> Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own the sadness/beauty/awesomeness that is Clannad. I do, however, own two little extra characters that you will see in this chapter, and I cherish all of the angst and awesome times they will experience in this story.

"Time?"

"3:10."

"Okay. Five more minutes until showtime."

The cluster of green bushes was conveniently located on the right side of the long path leading to Hikarizaka High School's front door. It was the perfect place to take a quick nap, seek shelter from the sun, and potentially watch over a large, silver bucket swinging dangerously over the school's front door, tied to a long flagpole. No one else could see it; the majority of the students were in the middle of their last-period classes, and those that weren't were skipping, spending their class period lounging on the grass in full-view. The only students who actually saw the bucket- and knew full well why it was there in the first place- were hiding behind said convenient bush, their hushed voices barely carried by the warm spring air.

"I told you, we have ten minutes," a softer voice answered, sighing at the other's anxiety. "The first group of students usually doesn't start walking out until around 3:20."

Suddenly, a boy's head with black hair and bright, violet eyes popped out of the bushes, surveying the surrounding area. "Okay, fine. Ten minutes," he whispered. "But we got everything set, right?"

"Yes, Naoto. Everything's set. You  _saw_  me put the bucket over the door. It's perfectly placed, I made sure. Stop asking."

"You got the spray on you just in case things go wrong?" he muttered.

" _Yes_. We've got the spray, the plan's all set," the second muttered, giving one of the cans of blue silly string an extra shake for good measure. "Stop worrying about this, and  _stop looking at the front door_ ," the person whispered angrily as the boy's head was quickly jerked back down. "If someone from council decides to start patrolling the area and sees a head poke in and out of the freaking bushes, they're going to get suspicious and walk over here." A girl's head with long, brown hair and browner eyes popped out as soon as those words were spoken.

"Hypocrite," Naoto chuckled.

"Shut up," she hissed. "I'm just making sure no one's walking by."

Naoto sighed as he leaned against one of the thicker branches of the bush, crossing his arms over his chest. "You know," he whispered, "this whole thing is suddenly becoming...a little less exciting."

The girl turned her head towards him. "Why do you say that? Even after all the effort we put into this?"

"I mean, setting everything up was fun and all," he replied, "but...Ushio, what if...what if we get caught?"

Ushio smiled. "We didn't get caught when we were tying that bucket over the door, and my grandparents didn't see me putting all that stuff in it." At this, she rubbed her hands together; they still felt uncomfortably sticky from the candy bread her grandmother attempted to make earlier that morning...bread that was deemed perfect material for their plan. "And if we could get this far, we'll be able to do this without a problem," she said with an encouraging smile. "We've done it before, right?"

Naoto simply shrugged his shoulders. "Why are we doing this again?" he asked.

Ushio turned around to lay down in the soft grass, pulling up some of the blades and examining them as she tried to come up with an acceptable answer. "Because, my dear Naoto," she finally began in a serious voice, "I feel that the education of this school, compared to others around the country, is nothing but a pile of garbage, and therefore deserves to be defamed with a tangible representation of what it is."

"And, in short, you're bored."

" _Terribly_ ," Ushio groaned as she slowly rolled onto her stomach. "Why are we even here? Everyone knows that as soon as finals week ends, there's this really awkward two-week limbo where teachers don't teach anything because they're not allowed to assign new material until all their exams have been graded and turned in. And we're just  _stuck_  here. And it sucks. And I need something interesting to do. And there was no time to come up with anything too extravagant."

"And...that's why we're hiding underneath a bush."

"Yep. Pretty much."

Suddenly, a loud, obnoxious voice echoed throughout the courtyard, sending the two friends into a state of panic. " _Get to class_!" a girl barked. "All of you, get back into the building _immediately_!" All of the other students lounging on the courtyard grass jumped up in fear and ran towards the side door of the school building, desperately attempting to make sure their faces were not clearly seen by the person rapidly approaching.

"Crap," Ushio hissed. "Quick, see if you can slide in!" she said frantically as she tugged on Naoto's arm, trying to push herself further into the prickly branches.

"Wait, stop moving!" he whispered, grabbing onto her arm and forcing her to stay still. "She's getting closer."

The sound of shoes stomping against the ground made the two friends wince as a female student walked over to their hiding place. She stood directly in front of their position, and from his spot underneath a branch, Naoto could see everything- the black hair, blue eyes, pink bow, and signature scowl of the school's Student Council president.

Ushio and Naoto shared an annoyed, anxious look as she quickly surveyed the area, looking around for any remaining students. When she didn't find any, the president sighed deeply and sat down crosslegged right in front of their bush, resting an elbow on her knee and her heavy head in her palm. Ushio twitched as she watched the president sit down right in front of her face.

"I never thought I'd see the day when I'd actually  _hate_  one of my own policies," the Student Council head muttered sadly. "The fact that I have to take time out of my study period just to scream at the same  _delinquents_  every day is... _ugh_!" she squealed, throwing her hands up in frustration. "I  _hate_  every single one of them! The same,  _stupid_  people are always skipping the same,  _stupid_  period and literally sitting in the same,  _stupid_  places out here, and that freshman kid Daishi is so new to this whole hide-from-the-president thing that he hides in the freaking _bathroom._ Who hides in the  _bathroom every single day_?" she ranted angrily. "Stupid  _Hida_  thinks 'Oh, no Prez, I didn't get a lunch period today' is a good enough excuse to skip, and..." She paused, quickly running through the list of names and faces she ran into frequently and counting on her fingers. "That leaves...huh. Didn't see Adachi and Okazaki today."

Naoto winced at the mention of their names and glanced down at Ushio, who quickly glared at him. " _Be cool_ ," she mouthed. "Say one word, and we're  _dead_."

"Those two are  _actually_  ridiculous," the president said angrily. "Okazaki's the worst, but I hate her stupid little friend, too..."

"Stupid-little-friend is not too fond of  _you_ , either," Naoto whispered lowly. Ushio quickly elbowed him in the stomach roughly, immediately silencing him.

"Those two get away with every single thing they do," she continued, malice lining her voice. "And every time I  _try_  to prove it, Hamada-sensei's just like, 'Not enough proof, Fujibayashi, you never have enough proof, stop making false accusations or I'll strip you of your position, meh, meh, meh!' " she said in a mocking, raspy voice and waving her finger around. Ushio smiled a little bit at the girl's impression...but immediately wiped the smile off of her face when she remembered how much trouble the student would get her into.

"I swear, one of these days, I'm going to  _destroy_  the both of them," she growled. "Make them pay for all of the embarrassment I've had to go through just to get them a day of detention..." The president sighed again as she tucked a strand of wavy hair behind her ear. "Mom never told me the job would be  _this_  hard," she groaned. "You get to establish new rules and make sure certain policies are carried out, which is cool, I guess, but...no one ever really...listens to you at all..."

She quickly checked her wristwatch and stood up again, dusting off her skirt. "Better start getting ready for today's meeting," she muttered as she began to walk away.

Naoto clutched his chest in relief, breathing heavily as he tried to regain his composure. "Oh God," he said nervously, "we're dead. We are absolutely dead."

"No, we're not-"

"Stop. Stop talking," Naoto hissed, pointing an accusing finger in front of her eyes. "We're  _screwed_. You can't deny that."

"Why are you so worried?" Ushio laughed. "Everything will be perfectly fine. Everyone else left, Prez is gone, and  _no one is going to catch us_ ," she assured him. "Have I ever been wrong? Honestly, have I?"

"Well...well, no, but-"

A high pitched, ear piercing scream suddenly cut Naoto off. He quickly popped his head out of the bushes again and looked towards the sound of the noise; the silver pail, which was swaying over the door two seconds ago, was turned over on the top stairs, and the Student Council president, who was clean and preppy two seconds ago, was drenched and covered in garbage.

Naoto merely stared at the front door. "Ushio."

"What? What's wrong?" she said worriedly. "What's happening?"

"We hit Fujibayashi."

"We... _what_?" Ushio whispered in complete shock. "No. No we didn't. You're kidding."

"Ushio, I swear, I'm not joking, she's freaking out, and we hit her.  _Look_."

Ushio hesitantly pushed aside a few of the branches to see half the student body gathering around the president, who hid her face in her hands. One of the students reached out an arm to comfort her, but she quickly swatted his hand away in anger. " _Don't touch me_!" she shrieked. "Did you do this?"

"W-What?" he stammered. "No, of course not, I was in class-"

" _Who the hell did this_?"

"Oh my gosh!" Ushio laughed softly, watching the president scream furiously at the other students and the school principal as tears rolled down her cheeks. "We got her! Oh, this makes my day  _so_  much better! Where's my phone?" She dug through her skirt pocket to find her cellphone, but frowned as Naoto slapped the phone out of her hands. "What'd you do that for? This is the perfect angle for a shot-"

"Ushio," Naoto growled, "we have to get out of here. Fujibayashi's gonna start looking around to find out who did this, and the only people missing from the school building right now are the two of us. We're  _screwed_."

"Look at her, she's so broken right now!" Ushio exclaimed defiantly, pointing at the angry, sobbing girl. "Like she's going to clearly remember that she didn't see us around-"

"Ushio, we have to find a way back into that building.  _Now._ "

She sighed heavily and stuffed her phone back into her pocket. "Fine, let's see what we can do," she muttered as she tried to shimmy her way out of her small, cramped spot in the bushes. "Um, Naoto?" she said as she switched to using her arms to drag herself out, "I think I'm...stuck."

" _Really_?" Naoto groaned as he grabbed hold of her arms. "I don't even know why you thought you would be able to fit in there perfectly," he said, tugging roughly.

"Well, I had to find a way to...wait. Adachi Naoto, are you calling me  _fat_?"

"Shut up and at least help me pull you out!"

The Student Council president suddenly stopped her yelling and listened carefully to what she immediately recognized as the rustling of leaves; she knew it wasn't a windy day at all. The president glanced around the school's courtyard, trying to figure out where exactly the noise was coming from.

"Fujibayashi, is something else the matter?" the school principal asked warily as he watched her blue eyes focus on a single bush that was moving violently.

"Someone's in the bushes," she growled ferociously as she quickly ran down the main stairs and towards the hiding place. She frowned as she heard annoyed whispers from its branches, and violently pulled them apart.

Lying on the ground, desperately trying to free themselves, looking up at her with nervous smiles and waves, were none other than the two students the president hated the most.

" _ADACHI! OKAZAKI!_ "

* * *

Okazaki Ushio had been stuck in this kind of situation more times than she could count.

There was that Earth Day incident earlier this year, when she and her best friend broke into Hikarizaka High School late at night, filled at least a hundred dollars worth of plastic cups with water, and covered each and every single hallway with them. At least half of the students walked around with their legs completely drenched by the end of the day, and the school's Earth Club was pretty furious about the cups.

Then there was that time when Naoto convinced her to mess around with the juice fountains in the cafeteria until they squirted fruit juice on anyone who decided to press any of the buttons. Half the students walked around with shirts soaked in fruit punch that day, which Ushio found absolutely  _hilarious_. The two of them almost got caught for doing it because they laughed too hard when people got hit with juice.

There was their very first project together in November of freshman year, when they spray painted all of the shoe lockers. This one was a bit harder to cover up; they had to make sure they sprayed their own lockers too, so they wouldn't be considered suspects. Writing  _South High School_  in bright red letters on the front door of the school building helped too.

And then there were all the things Ushio did before she became friends with Naoto: hacking into the school's online grade book and changing everyone's marks to Fs the day before report cards were to be mailed (again, this was hard to cover up, because she had to change her straight As too), replaced the school nurse's supply of medication with TicTacs (funny, but it took too much effort, honestly), and covered the principal's fancy Porsche with silly string (Ushio was new at the whole "let's piss people off" thing, so is wasn't as complicated compared to the others; it was mediocre, but successful nonetheless).

This one was completely different from the others, though. For one thing, they got caught...they never got caught before.

They had been brought into the principal's office multiple times for small misdemeanors, like coming into school out of uniform or frequently cutting class, as well as for accusations of school pranks. The problem was, as much as the administration knew that Ushio and Naoto were the ones that carried them out, they never had any concrete proof to suspend them. This time, they had proof because they  _got caught_.

Now that she thought about it though, hiding behind the bushes was probably a bad decision on her part.

Then there was the fact that Ushio and Naoto had no real motive. The others, of course, had motives. The plastic cup prank was specifically targeted at the Earth Club, because they had gotten annoyed by their week-long impromptu speeches on saving the Earth and global warming. The juice fountains incident was aimed at the health sector of the school administration, who planned to get rid of them because they figured the juice served was too unhealthy (and goddamnit, Naoto wanted his fruit juice!). Ushio's excuse for spray painting the lockers was to show both school systems how far a school rivalry could go if students didn't realize how ridiculous they were (which was complete bull, and Ushio knew it too). Changing the grades was an attack on a certain group of teachers Ushio found repulsive because of comments made about all of their students being stupid and "incapable of achieving anything in life." And the TicTac one was supposed to show the nurse that, well, the medication she was giving out was just as useful for alleviating cramps and headaches as a TicTac.

Their pranks were never targeted towards one specific person either. Usually, they were meant for the entire school to enjoy/suffer from, or at least a group of people. This was supposed to affect at least three or four people...but no, it only ended up affecting one.

And that one person just  _had_  to be the student council president. The most influential student in the entire school. And the one girl that could easily make anyone's life a living hell for the rest of the year...

Ushio groaned as the two friends took a seat on the couch placed in front of the school principal's office. "Lovely. This is absolutely  _lovely_ ," she grumbled as she slouched into her seat. "Why did it have to be her? Why  _her_? We wouldn't even be here right now if Fujibayashi wasn't on her stupid student patrol...and I had an entirely different plan for her on graduation day next year, too," she huffed.

"Yeah, well," Naoto replied wearily, "it was bound to happen someday. I was kind of hoping that day would be right before graduation," he sighed. "That way, the principal couldn't give us detention."

"Right. Hamada-sensei's the one who will decide whether or not we'll get  _detention_ ," Ushio said sarcastically. "Do you not remember how badly the Student Council wants us  _expelled_?" she hissed.

"Oh, really?" Naoto growled back. "Well then, maybe you should've thought about that before you decided to be all, 'I'm bored, let's piss people off!'"

"Not to mention Miss Newly-Appointed Student Council President," she continued, completely ignoring Naoto's comment. "I swear, if it was legal for schools to execute their students, she would take full advantage on the both of us-"

"Wow, Okazaki," a smug voice suddenly interrupted. Appearing next to them was none other than the student council president, whose uniform and black hair were damp and dirty. She reached up to adjust the bright pink bow on the side of her head before crossing her arms over her chest. "I didn't think you saw me as such a  _cruel_  person," she chuckled sarcastically, twirling a wavy strand of hair around her finger. "I'm just trying to do what's best for the school community, and if that means lobbying for your expulsion, then so be it. You can't  _possibly_ blame me for doing my job."

Naoto sighed in frustration as he looked up at the girl, his violet eyes glaring at her through a few strands of black hair hanging in front of his face. "What are you doing here? Don't you have other  _delinquents_  you need to take care of?" he spat.

The president's smile grew as she saw the boy's blatant hatred towards her. "Oh, not really," she replied lightly. "I'm just here to see all of your exciting plans to make your high school life more interesting turn around and bite you in the ass. How's it feel?" she asked, giggling as Naoto's eyes darkened. "Exhilirating? Mind-numbing? Or do you just have this dull feeling of, 'Shit, she finally got me'?"

Ushio leaned towards her friend. "I think Fujibayashi here is a bit mad that she has to buy a barrel of shampoo to get all of that garbage out of her hair," she whispered loudly, cocking an eyebrow as she watched the president's face fall.

"Listen to me, Okazaki," the president hissed threateningly. "The two of you had better be taking this little prank of yours seriously. I hope you realize that all the crap you've been pulling off for the past three years is finally about to destroy you. I'll have you know, I've already asked Hamada-sensei to  _expel_  the both of you." At this, Naoto glared angrily at his friend, who rolled her eyes and turned away from him.

"It's sad though," she sighed sarcastically as she watched the frustrated moment between them. "Despite this school's high ranking, Hikarizaka has always been plagued by certain students that just  _can't_  take their work seriously. You two aren't that bad academically, yet you decided to become a part of the school's small delinquent history. But I think I always saw this coming for you, Okazaki," the president sneered as she turned towards Ushio. "I mean..." she paused as her anger was suddenly replaced with amusement. "I mean, seeing as your own father was a bit of a delinquent himself."

Naoto's eyes widened as he quickly caught on to the president's words. "Fujibayashi, stop-"

"What the hell does my  _dad_  have to do with any of this?" Ushio hissed, fisting her skirt as glared at the girl above her.

"Well," she began with a chuckle, "you know what they say: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Apparently, your father was one of  _the_  biggest delinquents this school's ever had. Showed up for school whenever the hell he wanted and skipped classes every single day, like it was-"

"How...how would  _you_  know anything about my father?" Ushio growled.

The president opened her mouth to speak again, but quickly snapped it shut and frowned as she noticed Ushio's angry, suspicious glare. Her blue eyes widened slightly as she realized her close slip-up, but decided to replace her frown with a pretentious grin instead. "Oh, please!" she laughed loudly. "What do  _you_  know about him? All you know is that he abandoned you from day one! Who knows?" she continued, watching with pleasure as Ushio's face slowly reddened and her fists began to shake. "He's probably in jail, or maybe homeless and living on a street corner. For all you know, he's probably  _dead_  by now-"

"I don't care about where my father is, and neither should you," Ushio barked angrily. "Stop talking about him."

"Seriously,  _stop_ ," Naoto pleaded. "You're not-"

"What's wrong, Okazaki?" the president asked, her sickly sweet voice dripping with sarcasm. "Desperately trying to ignore the fact that you'll probably end up the exact same way?"

" _Shut up_!" Ushio suddenly screamed as she jumped up from her seat and punched her in the face. The president collapsed onto the floor, tears threatening to fall as a bruise quickly formed on her cheek. Ushio landed punch after punch on the girl's delicate face, easily pushing away the girl's flailing hands. "I am  _not_  my father!  _I am not my father_!" she yelled as she aimed another to her stomach.

"Ushio! Ushio,  _stop it_!" Naoto wrapped his arms around her and quickly lifted her off the ground, but was not able to prevent the girl from resorting to violent kicks.

"Get off me!  _Get off me_!" the president sobbed, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'll take it back-"

" _I'm not my father_!" Ushio wailed as she aimed kicks at the president's stomach, kicking harder when the girl tried to protect herself by curling up into a ball. "You think you can fucking say that and decide to _take it back_? I  _hate_  you! _I fucking hate you_!"

The principal soon emerged from his office, staring wide-eyed at the scene in front of his door. "What in the world is going on here?" he yelled furiously. " _Okazaki_! Stop this  _immediately_!" Ushio refused to listen to the head as she senselessly kicked the girl lying helplessly on the floor. "Do you hear me? End this at  _once_!

" _Ushio_!" a stern, booming voice suddenly yelled from behind the small group of students. Ushio immediately froze as she realized who exactly that deep, threatening voice belonged to. She quickly pulled herself out of Naoto's grasp and turned around to face the man standing angrily in the hallway, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

"A...Akii," Ushio mumbled, allowing her hands to fall limply at her side. "What are you doing here?" Her grandfather's furious hazel eyes forced her to look at nothing but the ground.

"Got a call from the principal," Akio replied angrily. "Said you were being ridiculous again. And clearly," he said as he glanced at the girl writhing in pain on the floor, "he wasn't lying."

Standing next to Akio was her grandmother, whose teary eyes and sniffles made Ushio's heart pang with guilt. "Ushio," she whispered sadly, a tear roling down her cheek. "Why...why would you do this?"

"S-She started it!" Ushio said defiantly as she looked into Sanae's watery eyes, pointing an accusing finger at the president. "She said I was just like-"

"Don't even  _try_  coming up with an excuse for yourself," Akio spat. "You've messed up enough."

Standing behind the two of them was a slightly younger woman, who pushed her way past the grandparents to stand in front of Naoto. "What the hell is this?" she growled. "Did you  _help_ her beat this child up?"

"No! No...Mom, I wouldn't do that!" Naoto replied desperately. "I wouldn't beat up a  _girl_ , you know that!"

"Well, apparently, there are a lot of things I don't know about you, Naoto," the woman hissed. "What's this I hear about a  _prank_?"

The principal made his way to the president, who was sobbing silently on the hallway floor. He placed an arm on her back and helped her stand up. "Adachi," he called out. "Take Fujibayashi to the nurse immediately."

Naoto mumbled to himself before his mother grabbed his shirt. "Take her!" she yelled, pushing him towards the girl. He hesitantly put an arm on her back and picked her up, carrying the president away angrily.

"And you," the principal growled, glaring at Ushio. "You first."

* * *

If there was any place in the school Ushio knew like the back of her hand, it was the principal's office. The familiarity of the room almost felt calming to her; the weird palm tree was always perched in the right corner, the never-ending stack of papers was always piled up on a completely separate desk in the back of the room, the sun always came from the same grimy window, never cleaned. If it weren't for her grandparents standing right behind her, she would have walked into that room with complete ease.

"Furukawa Akio-san, Furukawa Sanae-san," the principal said to the grandparents as they walked into the room. "Thank you for being here today at such short notice."

Akio grunted. "We really didn't expect ourselves to be here, to be honest," he grumbled as he glared at his grandaughter. Ushio frowned back, easily counter attacking Akio's cold look.

"Please, take a seat," the principal offered as he gestured to the three seats placed in front of his desk. He sighed heavily as he took his seat behind it, lacing his fingers together on its surface. "Okazaki," he began tiredly as the small family sat uncomfortably, "what month are we in right now?"

Ushio frowned at the simplicity of the question. "Uh...March," she answered slowly.

"And how many months, out of the ten that make up the school year, have we gone through so far?"

"Seven."

"And during these seven months, how many times have you been reported to my office?"

Ushio's frown deepened. "Lots."

The principal stood up from his desk and walked over to the opposite side of the room, where a group of tall drawers stood. He opened one of them and fished through its contents for a moment, until he found what he was looking for: a manila folder stuffed with thick sheets of paper. He walked back to his desk and opened the folder, and Ushio recognized the picture pasted on the first page, the long, messy hair, unruly bangs, and goofy smile that belonged to her. The folder was a paper copy of her permanent record.

"Thirty-seven times."

She looked up from her school photo to glance at the principal. "What?"

"Ushio, pay attention," Sanae hissed softly, forcing her to look the man in the eye.

"You have been in my office exactly thirty-seven times this year," the principal clarified. "This time makes thirty-eight. And honestly, I'm hoping this is the last."

Akio laughed gruffly. "Right," he growled sarcastically. "Knowing this kid, this is  _definitely_  the last time she'll do something stupid."

"What I desperately want to know," the principal continued as he flipped through multiple pages of the records, "is why you insist on doing these things whenever you want, when you know you're going to get in serious trouble for them. Punching another student in the face, spraying the school lockers at night, putting cups all over the hallways-"

"Hey," Ushio barked. "Why the hell is  _that_  information in my records-"

"Oh, save it," Akio snapped. "We  _all_  know you and your friend did them. Stop thinking you can just get away with this." Ushio winced at her grandfater's harsh tone, and couldn't find the power to direct another angry glare at him again.

"Your granddaughter's a fantastic student," the principal said as he turned to Akio and Sanae, "as you should already know. She's receiving straight As in all of her classes, and the teachers love her when she's not skipping their classes or pulling pranks on her classmates. The  _boys_  varsity baseball team has been harassing Ushio to join since last season, and...well, I was going to schedule another meeting with you to discuss this, but now that you're here, I should probably give this to you." He opened another drawer underneath his desk and pulled out an envelope. 'Hikarizaka High School, c/o Ushio Okazaki' was written on the front. He handed the envelope to Ushio. "Open it. Read it out loud."

"What...what is this?" she asked suspiciously.

"It's a letter from that American university summer program we helped you apply to," he said. "Because the majority of the information they received was from the high school, they sent this letter to us. Open it."

Ushio hesitantly grabbed the envelope from him and ripped the top open to find a short letter inside. " _Dear Ushio Okazaki_ ," she began softly, quickly reading through the letter, " _This year's applicant pool for our research program has been a competitive one; hundreds of students from 31 countries and thousands more from all fifty states here in the US applied for two hundred spots. Needless to say, the application process was very grueling for us._ " She sighed heavily and dropped the letter back onto the desk. "Why are you making me read this?" she muttered. "This is what every school starts with so that their applicants don't get all depressed when they find out they weren't accepted. Can't you just  _tell_  me that?"

"Keep reading," the principal said with a small smile.

Ushio groaned and picked up the letter again. " _However, we are happy to inform you that you...have been...accepted...to Charles University's international summer science research program_...I got accepted?" she whispered happily, clutching it to her chest. "I actually got  _accepted_?"

"There's more," he answered. "Keep going."

" _Not only have you been accepted into our program, but your academic records are so strong that we have awarded you first prize for our Charles Research Scholarship; your family owes us no tuition whatsoever!_ " Ushio exclaimed. "Are you  _serious_?"

"Oh, Ushio, I'm so proud of you!" Sanae said as she gave her granddaughter a tight hug. "I knew you could do it!"

Akio allowed himself to smile and gave Ushio a few claps on the back. "That's my girl," he chuckled softly. Ushio's smile grew as she felt her grandfather's approving hand on her back.

"That's the good news," the principal said, his small smile suddenly disappearing. "The bad news is..." He gently took the letter out of Ushio's hands, stuffed it back into the envelope, and put it back into his desk drawer.

Ushio frowned. "Why can't I keep the letter?" she asked. "It's  _my_  letter, why can't I keep it?"

"Because, Okazaki," he began, "the school administration has decided not to let you accept the scholarship."

"W- _What_?" she growled. "I won that scholarship! You can't just  _decide_  that I can't have it! Why are you not letting me take it?"

"I'm sorry," Sanae spoke up sternly, "but I have to agree with Ushio here. My granddaughter worked incredibly hard to secure that scholarship. The fact that you're telling us all of a sudden that after all that work, she can't have it..."

The principal sighed again and looked the student right in the eyes. "It's a...it's a compromise," he said. "You see, the amount of misdemeanors both you and your friend Adachi carried out make the both of you eligible for a two-week long suspension," he explained. "The fact that you punched Fujibayashi, however, automatically makes  _you_  eligible for expulsion."

Ushio's eyes widened fearfully at the sound of the word. There were so many words that sounded so much better than that. Detention. Cleanup duty. Suspension.  _Expulsion_ made her feel like the biggest idiot in the world for allowing herself to get caught.

"As you probably already know," he continued, "Fujibayashi and the Student Council have been dying to see both you and Adachi expelled from the school. And the truth is, you both deserve it. However..." The principal paused, giving Ushio a sympathetic look. "You simply have too much potential for me to allow the Council to do that."

At this, Ushio slowly looked up at the principal in shock. "You...really think that?" she answered quietly.

"So, as a compromise, I am giving Adachi two weeks of suspension, and you a month. The deadline for accepted Charles University applicants to respond is two weeks after you return, but you will not be allowed to write back to the university until two days before the due date, which leaves you just enough time to reply to their letter. However, if you commit just one- and I mean it, Okazaki," he growled, " _just one_  misdemeanor during that two week period, I will personally make sure that you do not receive that scholarship and that you are expelled. Do I make myself clear?"

Ushio roughly pushed her chair back and bowed deeply towards the principal, making him and her grandparents jump. "T-Thank you so much, Hamada-sensei!" she exclaimed happily, ignoring the intense stares from her grandparents.

The principal simply frowned back. "See you in a month, Okazaki. Bring Adachi in."

* * *

The trip back home from Hikarizaka High School every day was always long for Ushio, but the walk back after the meeting was purely, horrifyingly long. The fact that Naoto was still trapped in the principal's office made the walk boring. The fact that she was forced to walk back home with her frustrated, angry grandparents made it worse. And the fact that the walk was made up of nothing but absolute silence between the three of them made it just plain  _wrong_.

Ushio took a quick glance at her grandmother, who was looking anxiously at the steep path around them as they made the trek downhill. She made uncomfortable, worried sounds as she glanced around, as if something important was missing. Ushio hated the look on Sanae's face and looked instead at her grandfather, who was staring back at her angrily. They both grunted and quickly turned away from each other.

"This place has changed so much over the years," Sanae whispered softly, breaking the uncomfortable silence as she continued glancing around at the bare hill.

"Hmm, really?" Ushio replied, completely uninterested in anything her grandmother was saying.

Sanae picked up on Ushio's tone and smiled at her lack of care. "Yes, it has. Years ago, when your mother attended this school, this entire hill was covered in sakura trees. They were...absolutely beautiful," she answered, sighing at the fond memory. "Of course, the community wanted to get rid of them back then, too, but one student worked tirelessly to make sure they stayed up. But...I guess the sanitation department got tired of cleaning up all of the leaves, so they cut them down around the time you were born. So many things..." She frowned again. "Stores and hospitals and fancy restaurants have been popping up everywhere nowadays. Half the park was turned into a mini-mall...do you know that feeling?" she asked Ushio, smiling as she turned to her again. "That feeling of just wanting to completely rewind time, to go back to the old days? Sometimes I wish I could do that. Just to see the trees back on this hill again, and-" Sanae quickly cut herself off and widened her weak smile. "Things like that."

The silence between the three of them returned and was not broken until Akio cleared his throat loudly, attracting Ushio's attention. His granddaughter looked up at him with large, anxious eyes. "Congratulations," he muttered deeply. "On the scholarship, that is."

Ushio gave him a small smile. "Thanks," she said softly. "I didn't really think I would get it, though..."

"Yeah, well," he growled softly, "me neither."

" _Akio_ ," Sanae hissed. "Don't say things like that."

"W-What do you mean?" Ushio asked, confused by her grandfather's annoyance. "Why would you think that?"

"Ignore him, Shio-chan," she said. "He's just being-"

"Weren't  _you_  the one that was all for this?  _You're_  the one that stayed up late with me every night while I finished all those essays and all those application requirements and all those phone interviews, just to help me get in! Why would you say that?"

"Why didn't you tell me the baseball team was trying to recruit you?" he asked, fury rising in his own voice.

Ushio groaned. "Why the hell are you changing topics on me?"

"Answer me," he spat back.

"Akii, it's the boy's varsity baseball team," she sighed. "For one thing, they're  _boys_. And they're a  _varsity_  team. I can't compete with that! I'd never make it past tryouts!"

"So, what, now you're saying that everything I've taught you over the years is useless?" Akio shouted. "That all the techniques I taught you and all those hours we spent practicing and everything I've done for you has been completely useless?"

"W... _What_?" Ushio yelled back. "What are you even trying to say? Why are you getting all mad at me just because I don't want to join some stupid baseball team?"

"Stop it, you two!" Sanae barked. "Stop this arguing right now-"

"I'm  _not_  mad at you for not trying out!" Akio barked, completely ignoring Sanae's pleas, his face becoming redder as he glared at his granddaughter.

" _Then what the hell are you mad at me for_?" Ushio screamed, turning to fully meet Akio's furious glare. "Pick something and stick with it! Are you mad at me for getting the scholarship, or for not playing a stupid sport?"

Akio suddenly picked Ushio up off the ground, roughly grabbing her by her shoulders. "Look at you!" he hissed. "You have  _everything_. Brains, the best education in the city, athletic ability. And you're just throwing it all away, like it means nothing to you at all! You almost just got  _expelled_! I never thought you would actually stoop  _this_  low! It's like you actually have  _fun_  pissing people off! What's the point, Ushio?" he asked, his voice lowering to a menacing whisper. "What are you actually trying to prove? That you're  _different_?"

Ushio's frown hardened. "I am different-"

"No, you're not! You're  _not_!" Akio placed her roughly back down on the ground, tightening his grip on her arms. "People look at you, and they see your mother. But everything I see underneath that is your  _father_. And it's  _disgusting_."

"Akio!" Sanae suddenly shrieked, promptly slapping her husband in the face. "How dare you tell her something like that! How  _dare_  you! How could you?" she yelled, tears threatening to fall.

Ushio looked into her grandfather's face, her eyes widening as she looked straight into the the disappointment and pure hatred clear in his hazel eyes. She shoved his arms away from her and backed away in fear of his eyes, the possibility of the words he could say next-

"You...you hate me," she suddenly whispered before Akio could speak again. His eyes softened as the words came out of her mouth, and Ushio recognized something else hidden within them: hatred, still the same burning hatred, but not towards her. Sadness, but also not aimed at Ushio. They were emotions that, in his eyes, looked as if they were targeted towards something else, someone else, something not there but was still despised by him, whether it was there or not. Akio never answered.

Ushio quickly turned around and ran down the hill, ignoring Sanae's frantic calls to return, ignoring the burning in her throat, and trying her best to forget the look of her grandfather's eyes branded in her mind.


	2. Empty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! I have to give a big thank you to everyone who read and bookmarked this story! To be honest I'm a bit surprised by the amount of readers the first chapter generated, seeing as our fandom is such a small one! But I really appreciate all the support for my story so far, and it's bound to get a little more interesting as we go on, I promise!
> 
> And now, without further ado, I present the second chapter of 'Pushed and Pulled'! Hope you all enjoy!

_Tomoya felt weak. Broken. He couldn't feel his arms, could barely move his legs. His chest felt heavy, as if a weight was being pushed into him, destroying him. His head was pounding, his skull on the verge of bursting._

_Something didn't feel right. He had to be dreaming. The pain he was experiencing felt almost too surreal, too agonizing for his body to take. It was a dream. That was all. All he had to do was force himself to wake up, and it would all disappear. That's all it would take._

_"Wake up," he whispered to himself, forcing his lips to move. "Just open your eyes...and wake up..."_

_Tomoya slowly opened one blue eye and moved it around, trying to adjust to the sudden brightness in his room before attempting to open the other one. The light continued to send waves of pain into his eye, however, forcing him to yank open the other to alleviate some of the discomfort. He wiggled his numb toes and fingers, shifted his legs to regain feeling, moved his head from side to side. When he felt that the pain had subsided enough for him to move somewhat comfortably, when he felt that his eyes had adjusted enough to the blinding light, he slowly stood up._

_And it was not until he fully stood on his wobbly legs that he realized that he was not in his room at all._

_The blinding light had not come from the sun casting rays onto his pillow or from the fluorescent bulbs that hung in his room, but from...he couldn't tell. He was not in a room, or in his apartment, or in Hikarizaka at all, but in...nothing. This new place, this strange world he was suddenly in, was made up of nothing. No sounds existed, no tangible objects, no colors, no wind blew. This world felt so empty...so useless._

_"Where...where the hell am I?" he muttered as he tried walking a few steps. "What is this place?" He frustratingly pulled his messy bangs away his eyes as his uneasy feet began to wander aimlessly, trying to find some sort of door or portal, some path leading him to the exit of this useless looking world._

_Suddenly, something appeared in front of him, making him jump back in fright. Something finally existed in this world: a shining orb of light, floating in front of his face. Tomoya's eyes widened as he looked at the light, watching it slowly bob up and down. A small wave of familiarity hit him...he had seen something like this before, years ago. Years ago, orbs like these were rumored to to symbolize happiness in a person's heart, but this one looked...different. This light gave off a gentle red glow, and it looked larger too. It seemed more transparent, and as Tomoya hesitantly reached out a hand towards it, he realized that it emitted warmth, soothing to his touch. A small smile graced Tomoya's lips as he cupped the ball of light in his hands and felt its soothing heat intensify. He couldn't help looking into its red glow, its transparent shell._

_The shell suddenly began to fill with color, and Tomoya frowned as things began to take shape within the orb. In seconds, the objects began to look like houses and rooftops, a bright sun, a worried couple walking by. A clear summer sky formed, clouds floated above the roofs. This was all Tomoya could see as he curiously looked into the orb, waiting for something else to happen. As the colors finally finished taking their shapes, nothing did happen...until he heard a deep voice come from the orb._

_"Let's get married."_

_Tomoya froze._

_That voice. It sounded like his own._

_"Yes."_

_That soft, gentle voice that followed his sounded just as familiar. It sounded just like..._

_Suddenly, the orb was taken up by the face of a girl he knew too well. Her brown eyes were brimming with tears, and she looked tired. But she was smiling. She looked so hopeful, so filled with love. Tomoya clamped a hand over his mouth when he realized what he was looking at._

_"Are you sure?"_

_"I've always been thinking that you're the only one."_

_"But I'm a guy like this! I'm pathetic..."_

_"I am, too. But if we're together...we can become strong."_

_The edges of the scene in the orb became watery, and the girl's smiling face was replaced by something much darker; a shadow, a shoulder, a back. "Will you always be with me?" he heard his voice ask._

_"Yes. I will always be with you. No matter when. No matter how long."_

_Tomoya felt tears trickle down his cheeks._

_His marriage proposal. The orb was showing him his marriage proposal to Nagisa through his own eyes._

_He moved his hand from underneath the red, glowing orb and left it floating there as it began the memory again, the colors transforming into the same houses and blue sky from before. He couldn't look at it anymore, and he had no idea how in the world that one light could know about a memory he tried so hard to keep in the recesses of his mind. As he turned to walk away, he immediately came into contact with yet another red orb. Without Tomoya even touching it, the colors within it began to form pink petals, a long, winding path up a steep hill, short, flowing hair, a beige uniform, large, caring, brown eyes..._

_The world of nothing was suddenly becoming a world of bright red orbs. They were everywhere: right in his line of view, surrounding him, high above his head. Colors were swirling within them, forming memories that he suddenly did not recognize at all, events in the life of someone he did not know, involving things he had never seen in his life. Laughter was emitted from them, cheers of joy, whispers, sobs, shouts, cries._

_Tears continued to fall as he tried to push his way past the numerous balls of light, trying to find an exit that might have appeared. "I need to get out of here," he said frantically, the sound of a sob accenting his voice. "I need to get out. I need to get out..."_

_As he ran throughout this world, this world filled with nothing but memories, he came across...another person; he was no longer alone here. There was someone sitting away from him, looking at one of the many orbs in his or her lap._

_Tomoya hesitantly began to walk towards the person, his legs and feet suddenly gaining more feeling as he approached. "H-Hello?" he called loudly, his voice ringing out. "I'm sorry to disturb you, but...h-how did you end up here?" he asked. "You see, I'm...I'm stuck, and I was wondering if maybe you can help me. Or maybe, if you're stuck too, we can help each other out." The person, however, did not answer, and instead continued looking at the orb. "E-Excuse me," Tomoya tried again. "Please, can you help-"_

_The person was mere inches away from him now, and as he pushed some of the orbs out of his way, he suddenly came into contact with..._

_"N-Nagisa," Tomoya whispered as he looked down at his wife sitting, looking at the bright light now in her hands. She wore a white summer dress, red pins in her hair, and no shoes. An invisible wind blew her short, brown hair behind her and made her dress flutter delicately as she sat. To Tomoya she looked so...unchanged. So beautiful._

_"Nagisa!" Tomoya cried out as he closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders, squeezing her gently against him. "Nagisa...Nagisa, you're here...I missed you so much," he said, his voice muffled as he snuggled his face into her soft shoulder. He happily pulled back to look at her, but she had not looked up at him at all._

_Nagisa slowly raised her head to greet him, and Tomoya realized that her eyes were swimming in tears. "No," she said softly._

_Tomoya looked at his wife in confusion. "W-What? What do you-"_

_"I miss you," she answered as her tears rolled down her small, soft cheeks. "You don't miss me."_

_"No," Tomoya whispered, holding her closer to him. "No, you don't honestly believe that-_

_"You don't miss me anymore. You don't."_

_Tomoya pulled away from her again and_ looked _into her tear-filled eyes. She looked so sad, so heartbroken...but he just couldn't understand why..._

_He glanced down at her hands; they were still gently holding the same red orb. Tomoya covered Nagisa's hands with his own and pulled them a bit closer to his face as he looked into the bright light. In it was another scene he could not recognize; someone with hazy, unfocused eyes was watching a group of rowdy men sitting together at a bar, taking shot after shot and laughing loudly. A large-screen TV above their heads displayed a baseball game, and a scantily clad girl standing in the corner kept catching the person's attention. Tomoya and Nagisa sat together watching the scene unfold, and within minutes, the person and the waitress were climbing into a cab together and placing their hands all over each other's bodies._

_Nagisa let out a loud sob as her hands threw the red orb; Tomoya watched as it quickly dropped to the floor and shattered into pieces, just like glass. She cried violently into her small hands as she pulled herself away from Tomoya's strong arms._

_"Nagisa, why are you crying?" Tomoya asked desperately, trying his best to wrap his arms around her again; Nagisa immediately stepped away from him each time he tried. "I don't understand...that had nothing to do with me. I don't remember anything like that happening at all! Why are you so sad about it?"_

_Her eyes widened fearfully at the sound of his words. "T-Tomoya...you really don't love me anymore, do you?" she sobbed._

_"What are you saying?" Tomoya choked out, tears threatening to fall from his eyes again. "I-"_

_"That's okay, I guess," Nagisa continued as she looked up at his frightened, confused face. "You've moved on. That means...I should too." She suddenly forced a small smile onto her face as she turned around and began to walk away from him._

_"Wait! N-Nagisa!_ Wait _!" he screamed, forcing her to stop in her tracks. "Nagisa, please! I love you! And you love me, don't you? You said we would always be together. You said...you said you would never leave me. Please..." Tomoya reached out a desperate hand towards her back. "Please don't leave me."_

_Nagisa refused to answer, refused to turn around as she continued to walk away, slowly fading into nothing but a faint shadow._

_"Nagisa...! Nagisa, please! Nagisa! NAGISA!"_

* * *

 

"NAGISA!" Tomoya heard himself scream at the top of his lungs, forcing his eyes to fly open. And the first thing his eyes came into contact with was his apartment ceiling.

He was back, out of that strange, empty world and back in his perfectly normal apartment. Everything that he had seen- that world, those orbs, Nagisa, that memory in her hands- was nothing but a dream, something he would easily forget in a few minutes. But something about it felt too real to be just a dream. Nagisa's anger destroyed him, and that orb she held so tenderly in her hands was so important to her that it destroyed her. And the more he thought about it, about Nagisa, he wondered whether or not he wished it was reality...

The one thing that certainly was reality, however, was the pain. His head was throbbing, and his chest felt heavy. He stretched out on his living room floor to try alleviating the pain, sprawling his limbs in all directions and wiggling his fingers and toes again to regain feeling.

It was only then that it clicked that he was on the floor. His back began to throb painfully as soon as he realized it, and the pain enveloping his mind gradually worsened as he suddenly remembered how he ended up on the floor in the first place.

There was that end-of-the-month employee party at the company that ended later than expected and Hideyoshi's insistence that he tag along with a handful of other coworkers to a nearby bar afterwards. Then there was the food, the baseball game on the big screen, the three beer bottles, the expensive shot, the one after that, the one after _that_ , a girl, somehow stumbling back home, and...the living room floor.

His eyes suddenly widened in fear.

The girl.

She was a waitress with long hair, bright eyes, and a loud voice, he remembered. She had been glancing over at his side of the bar when he and his coworkers walked in, and insisted on serving no one but Tomoya the entire night. Her sultry eyes bored into him, and every time she waltzed pass his chair, she would give him something extra: a tap on the shoulder, a toothy smile, a pat on the back, a low giggle, a quick ruffling of his messy bangs, a whisper in his ear.

By the end of the night, she was all he could pay attention to. His hands had roamed her curvy hips, her arms, her hair. He had allowed his lips to touch her ear, her long neck, her cheeks, her lips. Tomoya was the first one in the group to leave, and he had dragged the waitress out of the bar to help him hail a cab. There was the long cab drive back, stumbling into his apartment...and he couldn't remember what happened after that.

He sat up slowly, rubbing his forehead as his headache intensified. The sound of running water was coming from his bathroom, and there was a trail of clothes lining the floor. His shirt was in front of the door, a large, pink bra was in the hallway, a skirt and a pair of pants were thrown haphazardly into the corner of the living room, and two pairs of underwear were placed mere inches away from him. He finally looked down at his own body and realized that he was stark naked.

" _Shit_!" Tomoya suddenly whispered frantically as he fearfully crawled away from the sight of his boxers laying right next to tiny, lacy, black underwear. "Oh my God...no...no, no, _no_ , I didn't...shit... _shit_!" he screamed.

He began to hyperventilate, and he felt his heart beat so fast he felt like it would explode right out of his chest. Did he seriously...? He ran his hands over his eyes to prove to himself that he was just dreaming, that there was no possible way he could ever bring a random girl home and have sex with her right on the living room floor, but the clothes were still there and the underwear refused to disappear.

He slammed his back against the dresser placed on the opposite side of the room, causing one of the picture frames on top of it to fall off. It landed with a thud face-down next to Tomoya, and as he stumbled to pick it up and put it back on the dresser, he looked at the contents of its frame.

His own wife...Nagisa...

Sweet, beautiful Nagisa, with her short, brown locks and long, flowing dress, was smiling at him, waving at him from her brown picture frame. She looked so happy just standing there, just smiling...

No. No, that wasn't true at all, Tomoya realized as the threat of tears began to sting his eyes. Poor Nagisa was crying. Wherever she was, she despised him so much right now. She thought he didn't love her anymore. If she was still here, she would be wailing in a corner, or weakly beating on his chest in frustration, or running to the bathroom right this second to lock herself in and refuse to see his face for hours on end. But he wanted her here at this moment just to prove to her that she was wrong, to show her just how much he missed her, even if it meant seeing her cry because of him or even if it meant feeling her try her best to genuinely destroy him, even if it meant seeing her run off to-

The bathroom. There was still running water coming from the bathroom.

As soon as Tomoya's mind finally registered the sound, it immediately stopped. Someone was definitely in there. He scrambled to pick up his clothes from last night to throw them onto his body, but he was just able to pull his legs through his dirty boxers when someone opened the bathroom door and walked out.

Standing in the hallway in nothing but a damp towel was the waitress he brought home. Her long hair was red, her bright eyes a deep shade of brown, and her smile as tempting as it was last night. Her curves popped out of the skimpy towel as she slowly waltzed towards him.

" 'Mornin', stranger," she greeted in that same, sultry voice as she approached him. Tomoya opened his mouth to speak, but found that nothing could come out.

She caught on to Tomoya's attempt to respond and laughed. "You don't even remember my name, do you?" she asked, inching a little closer towards him. "That's okay. I can barely remember yours," she responded with the same loud, tinkling laugh.

Tomoya ran a hand through his messy hair as he forced himself to look into the girl's eyes. "Look," he began shakily, "I-"

"What?" she interrupted as she leaned an arm on top of the dresser, cocking an eyebrow in amusement. "Let me guess. You trying to tell me that you wish last night didn't even happen?"

"Last night was...a huge mistake," he answered a bit more forcefully. "I was drunk, you were drunk-"

"Oh, honey, I can assure you, I was _not_ drunk," she giggled again. "And that means I was able to enjoy every...single...second _._ " She snaked a skinny arm around his neck and pulled him closer to her, using the other arm to gently touch his muscled chest.

Tomoya quickly placed his hands on her toweled hips to push her away. "Look, you've _got_ to leave," he growled. "I can't have you just lingering around my apartment. The..." He paused, trying to come up with a legitimate excuse. "The neighbors will get suspicious. I can't have you here."

"Oh," the girl sighed, pouting playfully, "the neighbors will get _suspicious_. That's too bad. 'Cause, you know..." She removed her arms from his neck and placed them instead on her towel, quickly letting the cloth drop to the floor. "I was kinda hoping we could go for another round."

Tomoya couldn't help but gaze over her entire body as she made her way even closer to him. "My back still kinda hurts from you just taking me on the floor yesterday, but I wouldn't mind...doing it again," she whispered tantalizingly into his ear as she pressed her body against him.

His hands were on her hips again, this time to pull the girl even closer to him, as if the nonexistent distance between them was too much for him to bear. His mind was in a complete daze as he felt her lips connect with his, and before he could even register it in his mind, he had pushed her down onto the living room floor. She giggled again as Tomoya pressed her into the carpet, as his hands roamed further up and down her body. Her hands made their way to his boxers and yanked them down. And Tomoya was completely immersed in her body...

" _T-Tomoya...you really don't love me anymore, do you?_ "

Tomoya immediately pulled himself off of the girl's body and landed on his side, bruising his arm a bit in the process. He breathing was laborious as he inched away from the girl sprawled on her back.

"Are you _serious_?" she groaned as she turned around and began crawling towards him.

" _Stop_!" he screamed, pulling away from her again. "Please, stop!"

The girl froze, and as she looked into his faded, blue eyes, she saw nothing of the man she decided to sleep with yesterday, or even five seconds ago. This man was confused and frightened out of his mind, not the attractively angsty and handsome man he had been last night. She hated the look in his eyes, as if he was completely innocent. She stood up and flicked her long hair behind her back. " 'A huge mistake' my ass," she spat.

"Just...leave," Tomoya whispered pleadingly.

She humphed as she stomped around the apartment, picking up the line of clothes from the door to the living room. She stopped, however, when she bent down to pick up her underwear; her eyes caught sight of something on the dresser. "Who's this?" she asked as she picked up a picture frame. "Your daughter or somethin'?"

Tomoya said absolutely nothing as she observed the picture of the woman smiling at her, waving at her, and refused to flinch as she chucked the frame at him. "Fuck you! _Fuck_. _You_!" she screeched as she quickly began pulling on her clothes. "You're _married_? You're fucking _cheating? Fuck you!_ "

He sighed. "Neighbors," he muttered.

"I _refuse_ to be some _whore_ you decide to fuck around with while you're hiding from your wife!" the girl continued as she fixed her shirt.

"Shut up," he growled, pulling his own boxers back on. "I don't need to hear it from _you_."

"Look, _buddy_ ," she snapped, "I don't know what's up between you and your wife, but I am not going to be a part of it! Next thing you know, she'll be tracking me down, wondering why the hell I decided to steal you from her or something! I don't need that!"

"Shut up and get out!"

"I'm leaving!" the girl yelled as she angrily walked towards the front door. "Men like you have no idea what they want!" She placed her hand on the doorknob, but soon turned around to walk towards the living room again. "Then again," she teased, "that wife of yours sure doesn't know what she's missing out on, either."

Tomoya refused to reply as the waitress finally stepped out of the apartment and slammed the front door shut. He couldn't help but stare at the same picture frame lying helplessly on his dresser. "Cheating," he whispered sadly. "I wish it was that simple-" He suddenly forced himself out of his daze and stood up, making his head spin from the sudden movement.

The company party was yesterday, which was Monday. Which meant today was...Tuesday.

Which meant he still had to report to work.

There was no time to shower, no time to brush his teeth, no time to eat breakfast. Tomoya frantically ran into his bedroom, threw open his cluttered closet, and randomly selected an outfit to pull onto his body. As he rushed back out into the living room again to grab his bag, he noticed, for what had to be the millionth time that day, something off in his apartment.

The alarm clock on the dresser read 12:00.

"S-Shit!" Tomoya screamed as he quickly ran out of his apartment, ignoring the suspicious glares from his next door neighbor as he ran into the street.

* * *

 

Eighteen years.

Eighteen years it had been since he had accepted a position at Hikarizaka Electric Company immediately after high school. And as he ran from his apartment to the company building, he frowned at the number.

Eighteen years. And what had happened in that time? Job opportunities were squandered, his dreams of starting a family were gone, and most of his friends had moved on from this city, leaving him behind. He worked the same job twelve hours a day, five days a week. No raise, no respect. All of his coworkers from eighteen years ago had retired at this point, including Yoshino, save for Hideyoshi, who joined the group a few years after Tomoya did. Nowadays, all those people were replaced by kids fresh out of high school and people in their early twenties. Tomoya chuckled. He and Hideyoshi used to joke around that they were surrounded by old men. Now the newbies were using the same joke on them.

"Thirty-seven is not old, goddammit," Tomoya grunted as he quickly rounded the last corner.

The company building finally came into view, and Tomoya picked up his speed, shoving past other people in the process. As soon as he reached the door, he violently slid it open and ran inside. "Sorry I'm late-"

The room was strewn with empty bento boxes and plastic bags, coffee mugs and water bottles; all of the workers had just finished eating lunch. But instead of turning around to greet their senior coworker or heading back to work, they all remained where they were: in a large circle, whispering to each other and huddling closer as they listened to someone speak right in the middle.

"The chick looked at him the entire night," he heard a deep voice say within the large circle. "Kept poking him and laughing to get his attention every single time she walked by. She even refused to be our waitress- only his."

The group of men chuckled and whistled lowly. "Damn, the old man's still got it!" one of the coworkers said. "Never thought he would actually bounce back."

"Oh, he bounced back all right!" the person hidden in the middle continued. "It got to the point where they both started talking and laughing with each other and stuff. Sometime during the night I stood up to go to the bathroom, and when I came back, Tomoya's sitting at our table with that waitress in his lap sucking her face off!" The entire circle crowed with laughter and applause. "Wait wait wait, there's more!" he interrupted. "Two seconds later, the two of them are stumbling out of the bar and hailing a cab to go back to his apartment!"

One of the workers scratched his head nervously as the others cheered around him. "Well, wait...Hideyoshi, did he actually end up sleeping with her?" he asked. "I mean, I feel like I can't even believe half the things you're telling us."

Everyone fell silent as they turned to face the one who spoke. Hideyoshi laughed. "Well, why not, _little boy_?" he chuckled, making the crowd laugh with him. "Don't believe people older than you have sex anymore?"

"Well," he answered, "didn't he go through, like, a really bad marriage or something?" The workers fell silent again as they realized what he was saying. "He lost his wife and everything. Tomoya doesn't look like the kind of guy who can just disregard all of that and randomly sleep with someone."

Hideyoshi quickly poked his head out of the large circle. "Well, I don't know. Let's ask him." Everyone turned around and came face to face with Tomoya, who merely stood in front of them in complete shock, the bag in his hand slightly shaking.

"Welcome back, my friend!" Hideyoshi said, breaking the silence by clapping proudly. The men around him quickly followed suit, cheering and whistling around him. "Glad to see you're still in one piece after your little _adventure_ last night! How'd it go?"

Tomoya pushed his was through the crowd and grabbed Hideyoshi by the shoulder. "You _told_ them?" he hissed.

"Of course I did! I'm just proving to some little boys here that old men know how to get around, too!" Hideyoshi laughed, making the others cheer again. A few of them clapped Tomoya on the back.

"Shut the fuck up, Hideyoshi," Tomoya growled as he shoved Hideyoshi, making him fall onto the floor roughly.

Everyone around him whistled. "Hey, take it easy, old man, take it easy!" some of them called out.

Hideyoshi quickly pulled himself back up with an easygoing smile. "Hey man, what's the big deal?" he asked. "Nothing wrong with it-"

" _Listen_ ," Tomoya whispered loudly into his ear, pulling him closer by the collar. "Last night wasn't supposed to happen. You can't just _tell_ people about it. It was a huge mistake-"

" 'A huge mistake'?" he repeated. "Listen to this guy! 'A huge mistake' my ass, you knew about what you were doing! Then again, you were pretty drunk...see that, boys?" Hideyoshi called out to the others. "Old men know how to drink, too!"

"You bastard-"

"Okazaki!" someone suddenly yelled. Tomoya immediately froze at the sound of the harsh voice, and the crowd parted to reveal the company's manager, who glared angrily at Tomoya over his dirty glasses.

Tomoya stepped away from Hideyoshi and bowed in front of him. "Sir-"

"Where were you this morning, Okazaki?" the manager barked, making a few of the younger coworkers jump.

"Uh...sir, I can explain-"

"Where. Were you. This morning?" His voice grew deeper and sharper with each passing syllable, his eyes grew darker as they bored into Tomoya's.

"I...I overslept," Tomoya finally answered, his shoulders sinking. "I-I'm really sorry."

"See that, boys?" one of the workers whispered to another. "Old men get broken down, too!" The two of them chuckled softly to each other, but immediately cut their joke short when the manager's flaming eyes turned towards them.

He took a few steps closer to the company's senior member. "Okazaki," the manager growled, "what month are we in right now?"

Tomoya frowned at the strange simplicity of the question. "March," he answered suspiciously.

"Which means we've only covered three months of the year, correct?"

"Right..."

"And out of these past three months, how many times have you come in late?"

And there it was. Tomoya grunted as he straightened himself to meet the manager's eyes. "A lot, I guess-"

"Thirty."

"W-What?"

"You've been late coming into the office thirty times this year already!"

"Sir, that can't be true!" Tomoya answered defiantly. "There's no possible way I could-"

"Listen to yourself, Okazaki!" the manager yelled. "Are you _honestly_ telling yourself this right now? That there's no possible way you could have come in to work late for a month? Every time, there's some ridiculous excuse! You woke up late, you forgot that you didn't have the day off, you had errands to run...and I'm _tired_ of it!" He slammed his fist on a nearby desk in frustration. "You know what? I'm done! I'm officially done!"

Tomoya frowned. "Sir, what do you-"

"You're fired, Okazaki! _Fired_! You're _through_!"

He stared at the manager in complete shock. "Sir, you...you can't be serious!" he pleaded. "I _need_ this job! I need the money! You can't just fire me, I've been working with you for years-"

"Leave, Okazaki!" the manager barked, pointing a chubby finger at the door. "Leave. _Now_."

Eighteen years meant nothing to him.

"Hey man, sorry about that," Hideyoshi whispered in Tomoya's ear, gently rubbing his shoulder.

Suddenly, Tomoya quickly turned around and grabbed Hideyoshi by the collar. He brought a strong fist back and plunged it straight into Hideyoshi's stomach, laughing as he coughed up a little bit of blood. All of the workers were cheering as they watched, while a couple of them tried their best to pry Tomoya off of him. After a couple of minutes, he shoved Hideyoshi back onto the floor, watching him cough and heave as he stared up at him in complete fear.

"Sorry about that," he hissed as he cracked his knuckles, pushed his way past the others, and made his way to the door.

* * *

Three six-packs of beer, leftover stir-fry, a pack of sliced bread, moldy cold-cuts, and a pitcher of water were all that existed in the refrigerator. Tomoya sighed at the lack of food, grabbed one of the six-packs, slammed the door shut, and exactly ten seconds after angrily walking back into his apartment, he sat in the exact same place he woke up this morning- the living room floor.

It seemed like every other day he found himself doing this: grabbing a beer and sitting in the living room. What else was there to do? Go outside? There was no one waiting for him outside that front door, anyway. No neighbors were inviting him over for dinner, no family members were expecting him to visit, no coworkers were tugging him out the door to go drinking- at least, not anymore. No one out there was wondering how he was doing, how he was feeling. No one was placing a hand on his shoulder to comfort him.

Are you sure you're okay?

You don't look like you're eating well.

Here's my number. Call me whenever you need my help...

"I don't need your help," Tomoya snapped at the calm, kind questions bouncing around in his head. Questions like that pissed him off. They made him feel helpless. "I'm not helpless," he grunted as he chugged down the rest of his beer and tossed the can aside.

One down. Five to go.

Tomoya was content with that, though. With no one expecting him to come out. His entire world was made up of this tiny apartment. Getting up to go to the kitchen was his version of going to a restaurant. Taking a bath was a field trip to the water park. Walking down the narrow hallway was visiting a neighbor. And walking out that front door was walking into unknown dangers, walking into a world he barely recognized anymore. Not that he really cared to know it better.

There was someone out there though, someone that he wouldn't have minded seeing again after so many years. She reminded him of those stupid questions from before. She used to ask those a lot. Too many times, even; she was good at making Tomoya feel especially helpless. Only thing was, he didn't mind the helplessness when she was there, because she always paired it with the strong feeling that she was there to help him back up, to help him alleviate that helplessness whenever she could. As long as it was worth a shot.

What was her name again?

Pack's done.

Tomoya stood up to grab the second six-pack, but before he could make his way to the kitchen, his eyes wandered over to the dresser. That one piece of furniture caused enough problems for him already, what with him slamming his back into it this morning and that random waitress finding the only picture he cared about placed on top of it and coming to stupid conclusions. But he forgot that there were other things stacked on top of it, and through his hazy gaze, he saw that they stuck out over the edge. Tomoya unsteadily walked over to the dresser, where a pile of envelopes lay.

He frowned at the pile. "What the hell are these doing here?" he grunted as he picked up the very first envelope. It had already been ripped open, and Tomoya saw from the date that it had been mailed to him a few months ago. There was a slip of paper jammed inside, and when he pulled it out, his eyes widened.

He had completely forgotten about the pictures.

Akio and Sanae- damn, that was her name- always had a habit of mailing Tomoya exactly one picture every year. They were never group pictures, or simple postcards or anything- they were school photos. School photos of his daughter.

Ushio looked exactly the same with every single picture. She always had the same bright brown eyes, the same wide, oversized smile, the same knotty hair, the same messy bangs- Sanae used to say that she got them from him. There were the occasional small changes, of course. When she was little, she would get taller with every picture. Towards first grade, there would be gaps in her smile. In fifth grade, her knotty hair grew longer.

The picture he held in his hands was the most recent one. This was the second one he owned with her wearing a Hikarizaka High School uniform. Her hair easily reached the tops of her thighs, and her bangs were so long she had a hand on top of her head to hold them back. And they had mailed this one- and every other picture of Ushio he owned- in January. _January_. Tomoya began to laugh. This was the old folks' way of making him feel guilty _every fucking January_. "This was the month his live completely changed for the worst," they probably thought whenever they placed that yearly envelope in the mailbox with a little kiss. "Maybe this time it can be the month he can change his life for the better" or some complete bull like that.

He carefully flipped the photo over. The words "Just turned seventeen!" were scrawled on the back.

Just turned seventeen.

It had been seventeen years already.

Sometimes Tomoya wondered if he should actually see Ushio. But then Tomoya remembered that no one was waiting for him outside, and he would immediately stop caring. She didn't need him, clearly. He didn't need her. It was that simple. Tomoya angrily shoved the picture back in its envelope.

As soon as he tossed it back in its lopsided pile, the loud sound of the doorbell echoed throughout his apartment. Tomoya jumped at the sudden sound.

Someone from the outside world was ringing his doorbell. Someone wanted to see him.

Tomoya chuckled at his optimism as he slowly walked towards the front door. It was probably the landlord asking for money, since he hadn't paid his rent yet. It was probably one of his neighbors, wanting to come inside and subtly gather some information on that waitress that walked out of his apartment this morning- or in an unsubtle way, since boldly walking over to a neighbor's apartment just to find out about the sex he had last night probably isn't subtle at all. It was probably even a stupid round of Ding-Dong-Ditch for the kids living downstairs, since it seemed they were always bored.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming," Tomoya called out as the doorball rang out again. He roughly opened the front door, intent on telling whoever was there to go the fuck away, that the money would be arriving soon and yes he had sex with a girl he didn't even know and that there were better things to do than ringing people's doorbells-

But the person he faced as he opened the door was completely unexpected.

"Hello, Tomoya-san," a woman with long brown hair pulled into an elegant ponytail and warm, familiar brown eyes said with a pleasant smile on her face. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that, everyone, is the end of the second chapter! 
> 
> I thought really hard about writing the very first section. I haven't changed the meaning of the original orbs in Clannad at all; these are of my own invention and are meant to be...different. The first section is what makes this story what it is, and after a lot of debating, I've finally decided to make it that way. It probably doesn't make much sense now, but it will later, I promise!
> 
> Other small things I just wanted to mention: I'm assuming that at the time Ushio was born in the real Clannad Universe, Tomoya was twenty. That means that in this alternate universe, Tomoya is thirty-seven. WOW. Time flies when you try to mess with Clannad's second season. (^_^) Also, technically, Tomoya isn't supposed to own that picture of Nagisa yet. In the show, he doesn't receive the picture until tiny Ushio moves into his apartment. But I've messed around with Clannad's universe so much at this point that forgetting that a character shouldn't own an object yet is so trivial.
> 
> I hoped you enjoyed, and I'll come out with the next installment as soon as I can!


	3. Intrusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I'm back with Chapter Three of 'Pushed and Pulled'! Thank you to everyone who stuck around and read the second chapter, and I hope you all enjoy this installment as well!

_"Hello, Tomoya-san," a woman with long brown hair pulled into an elegant ponytail and warm, familiar brown eyes said with a pleasant smile on her face. "It's been a while, hasn't it?"_

Tomoya froze at the sight of the woman standing right in front of his door. "S-Sanae-san," he whispered in complete disbelief, his eyes slowly widening.

It had been years since Tomoya had last seen his elegant mother-in-law- _many_ years, as he finally remembered just a few minutes ago- and yet Sanae had remained completely unchanged. Her smile was still just as cheery, her soft brown eyes still calm. And through his hazy mind, Tomoya was still able to register the strong, warm sense of hope radiating from her...hope...

"Can I come in?" Sanae asked, breaking Tomoya away from his thoughts.

Tomoya slightly swayed in place. "Wh...What are you doing here?" he slurred, refusing to move away from the door.

Sanae picked up on Tomoya's drunken state- his uneasy legs, his unfocused eyes, his slurred speech- and frowned. "Well, I was hoping the two of us could share some dinner," she answered, shifting something uncomfortably in her hands. Tomoya looked down to see that she held two plastic bags filled with groceries. "We haven't seen each other in so long, so I figured...you don't mind, do you?" she asked timidly.

Tomoya broke away from his mother-in-law's concerned eyes and stared at the ground.

Did he mind?

Sure, she was the one-and-only Sanae-san, the only person who truly attempted to reach out and completely heal Tomoya, even after everyone else gave up on him after the first try. She was someone he trusted, someone who understood him.

But she was still an outsider.

Sanae still belonged to that world on the opposite side of his door, that world that swallowed him whole and destroyed him every time he ventured into it. Bringing her into his apartment seemed like yet another invitation for that world to invade the only space he could control.

Plus, the one-and-only Sanae-san had given up completely after the _third_ try...

After a moment of serious contemplation, Tomoya finally gave a small shrug. "Sure. Why not?" he mumbled slowly as he turned to walk back into his apartment.

Sanae's soft smile returned. "Great. Thank you, Tomoya-san," she replied, bowing slightly before following him in. "You don't mind if I use up your kitchen to make our meal, do you? I might make a bit of a mess."

" 'S over there," he muttered in reply, waving a heavy arm in the general direction of the kitchen. "Have a party." Tomoya slowly sulked away from Sanae as he made his way back into his living room, carelessly lying down on the floor again.

Sanae quietly watched him go before walking into the small kitchen and opening the fridge. "My, my, Tomoya-kun," she said with a chuckle as she looked over the refrigerator's contents. "There's absolutely nothing in here! Don't you eat when I'm not around?"

"I take care of myself _just fine_ when you're not around," Tomoya snapped as he sat up and angrily turned towards the kitchen, glaring at Sanae.

She jumped at the sound of Tomoya's rough, loud voice, accidentally dropping her bag of groceries onto the floor. Her eyes connected with his furious ones before he turned away from her and stretched out on the carpet again. She gently placed a hand over her chest, trying to calm the quick, uneven beating of her heart.

Sanae felt genuinely afraid...of _Tomoya_.

"I see," she finally replied softly, collecting herself and picking up the plastic bags. "I'll just...get to work, then."

"You do that," Tomoya grunted, placing his arms behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling.

Silence immediately took over as the two of them went about their business separately.

As she slowly stirred the meat and vegetables in a large skillet, Sanae finally began to realize just exactly what she had gotten herself into. This Tomoya was certainly different. It felt so unnatural, being afraid of him. This careless, angry, drunk... _scary_ Tomoya used to be so sweet, so down-to-earth, so loving, so caring. And yet for a split second, Sanae wanted to dash out of his apartment, save herself from whatever unnatural wrath she would undoubtedly face.

But she was here for a reason, she reminded herself. A goal had to be reached. She couldn't leave, not yet.

Maybe she could start by solving one piece of the problem. Perhaps his drunkenness? As the thought came to her, she quickly grabbed a cool container of milk from one of the plastic grocery bags and poured some into another smaller pan. In minutes, a large, steaming mug of creamy milk was prepared.

Sanae emerged from the kitchen, gingerly cradling the mug in her hands as she approached Tomoya. "Here," she said with a small, forced smile. Tomoya slightly jumped as she gently placed the mug next to him.

Tomoya slowly sat up and raised an eyebrow as he glanced at the steaming cup. "Huh," he groaned, "some dinner. What happened to all that food you brought over here?"

"It's warm milk," Sanae replied, picking it up again and handing it to him. "It'll help, I promise." And with that, she walked back into the kitchen. The loud hissing sound of fresh meat and vegetables cooking in a hot pan came from the kitchen moments later. Tomoya grumbled as he cradled the warm, soothing cup in his hands.

He shouldn't have let her walk through that door.

Sanae had to be toying with him, had a plan to completely ruin his safe, inside world. What was she doing here? And what the hell was the milk for? Did she think that milk would just evoke some sudden change in him, that it would force him to allow her into his inside world? Did she think it was that _easy_? That fucking _milk_ would just do that?

Although, he realized as he took a long, slow gulp, something about the warm liquid was certainly making the fuzzy lines go away.

Sanae suddenly walked into the living room with two steaming dishes of food in her hands. "Dinner is ready," she announced as she placed the two plates on the table. "It's just stir-fry, but I'm sure you'll like it." She knelt at the small table before looking over at Tomoya, who merely stared warily at the food. "Well? Dig in. I want you to take the first bite."

Tomoya slowly picked up his chopsticks and popped a few vegetables into his mouth. And he had to admit, they were absolutely delicious. They were crunchy and warm and juicy, and it had been years since the last time he had a home-cooked meal as delicious as this one.

"How is it?" Sanae asked as he greedily stuffed his face with more food.

Tomoya paused for a moment. "It's good. Really good," he mumbled with a full mouth of food before digging in again.

Sanae smiled as she watched Tomoya devour his plate, flicking away any pieces of food that fell on the table with her tiny fingers. "Well, good!" she replied. "I worked hard on it, so I'm glad you like it! You know," she continued enthusiastically, "Akio says that my food has improved over the years. He says even my bread has gotten better!" she giggled. "I should have brought a loaf of the candy bread I made yesterday. You might have liked it!"

Tomoya felt a small pang of nostalgia as she spoke. From what he remembered of his time observing the Furukawa family's antics so many years ago, he knew that Akio, without a doubt, blatantly told his wife a lie. It almost felt nice to know that even after all these years, Akio hadn't changed either. And...candy bread? He could almost taste the sticky, sickeningly sweet failure of a pastry in his mouth.

Sanae took her first bite of her plate of food. "So, Tomoya," she said after swallowing, "how are you doing?"

The hardness in Tomoya's eyes quickly returned. "Fine," he mumbled, looking up from his food to scowl at her.

"There's nothing...interesting that has happened in your life recently?"

"What do you mean?" he growled, suddenly feeling annoyed by such a simple question. He could feel his hand slowly clenching around his chopsticks.

"Well, we haven't seen each other in a few years, Tomoya. So many things can happen to a person in a few years!" she responded with a small giggle. "People grow older and meet new friends, or get new jobs, or learn something new...something exciting _must_ have happened to you during that period of time! Let's see, maybe I can start...well, first off, we got new neighbors. Akio bought a new car, and I've been improving my baking skills one step at a time-"

" _Who the hell do you think you are_?" Tomoya suddenly roared, furiously slamming his fist onto the table. He glared at his mother-in-law, who looked back at him in fear.

"W-What's wrong, Tomoya?" Sanae asked, ringing her hands in fear, her voice shaking. "Did I say something wrong?"

"What makes you think," he screamed, "that you can just...just waltz in here after _ten fucking years_ and just _ask_ me how I'm doing? You and I both know that you don't _care_! You just don't really care! And you can convince yourself that you do, by walking in here and thinking that you can just fix every little thing that's gone wrong since the last time we met with a plate of stir-fry, but you sure as hell aren't convincing _me_!"

"How…how could you say that?" she whispered angrily, tears threatening to fall from her eyes. "Of course I care about you, I always have-"

"You _ditched_ me, remember?" Tomoya spat. "You ditched me ten years ago because you thought I couldn't handle making my way back into the family again. You ditched me because you thought I was too _pathetic_ , that you just couldn't deal with me anymore, and after that you left. You just _left_! Left me to my pathetic self and my _pathetic fucking life_ because _you don't fucking care_ -"

"Do you really think you left me a _choice_?" Sanae suddenly snapped, cutting Tomoya off. Thick tears strolled down her stern, aggravated face as she glowered at her son-in-law.

"What the hell are you talking about-"

"I tried three times. _Three_ , Tomoya!" she shrieked, her voice cracking. "And each time, _you_ were the one who looked like you didn't care! Remember the third time?" she asked accusingly. "You didn't even bother returning my phone call! Didn't even bother opening your door to let me talk to you! Back then, you said _yourself_ that you didn't care. Don't you _dare_ blame your situation on me, Tomoya! This was all _you_."

A heavy silence took over as Tomoya's anger slowly faded, as Sanae's words slowly formed in his head.

_He didn't care. This was his fault._

He thought back to those times, those times where friends, family, Sanae told him to get his act together, to start over, and each time, he failed them. He became too scared, too frustrated, too depressed to try. And their disappointed faces, her disappointed face always made him so angry at them, at himself.

This was his fault. But it wasn't that he didn't care. He just couldn't face them again. He didn't want to face that outside world again, that disappointed outside world.

"I'm…sorry," Tomoya finally answered softly. "You're right. I've been…I've been a pain in the ass since the day I walked into your bakery so many years ago, huh?" he whispered with a sad laugh. "It's just…all those times…I…I've always felt that I just need to stay away. From everything, not just you and Akio, but…" Tomoya sighed heavily, placing his head between his hands. How could anyone properly explain the pure fear and anguish he experienced every single day of his life, ever since Nagisa's death?

"Every time I walk out that front door, it feels like suicide. My whole world just…crashes and burns every time I leave this apartment. Things fuck up my life when I step out, and people hate me when I can't deal with the destruction. So I just try to keep whatever I have left in here. So that nothing else can mess it up. But even then…even then, things from the outside find their way in and destroy what's left. They just…" Tomoya pulled at his hair in agony. "They just ruin everything."

Sanae placed a hand on Tomoya's back, rubbing small circles and ignoring the occasional flinch he gave in response to her soft touch. Her hard expression melted into one of complete understanding. "You didn't want me in here, did you?" she asked softly.

"I...I didn't, and I did," he replied in a frail, broken voice. "You're from the outside, so, naturally, I hated you when you walked in. You were an intruder. I figured you were bound to change something in here. But I also figured your changes wouldn't be so bad, because you're...you're you, you know? You're kind and understanding and helpful...and I wouldn't hate them as much. I mean, there's food in my fridge now," he said with a soft, sad chuckle. "That's a nice change. And I have someone to talk to. About, you know, all this. And I figured that, maybe, if I let you in, you would…get it. Why I'm like this."

Sanae gave him a small smile. "I think I do get it," she replied softly, allowing the comfortable silence between the two of them to take over. "Things have been different for us back at the bakery too, I'll admit. Granted, many things have remained constant- the amount of customers we have, Akio's taunts, of course. But without Nagisa-"

She felt Tomoya flinch again at the sound of her name. "Shh, darling, it's okay," she cooed, adding a bit more force into her back rubs. "Her absence is the source of it all, isn't it, Tomoya? Of your behavior, of your fear. Of our loneliness."

Tomoya slowly picked his head up. "You're lonely too..."

"Of course I am," she answered softly. "Both Akio and I are. And our lives have never felt the same. But we've slowly learned how to keep going. That's what she would have wanted, right? To still look at the beautiful things in life, to still take care of the people around us."

"I got fired today," Tomoya stated bluntly after a few moments.

"Oh, sweetheart," she cooed, adding a little more force to her back rubs. "I'm so sorry. How did it happen?"

"I showed up late for work. Then I kind of punched one of my coworkers in the face."

"Well," she said with a bit of a laugh, "that's certainly a perfect way to get fired. Why did you arrive at work so late?"

"I was-" All of a sudden, memories of the night before came rushing back: the party, the drinking, the girl, the looks, the kissing the cab the clothes on the floor wet towel naked skin bright eyes long hair yelling screaming saw her picture fucking cheating _fucking cheating-_ "I...didn't hear my alarm clock. Worked overtime the day before, was really tired when I got back home..."

Sanae picked up on his sudden pause, but she let it slide. "Oh. Okay. That will do that to you. Well, I hope you'll be able to find a new job soon. Any employer would be lucky to have you, I promise," she said. "I know you. Sure, you've fallen by the wayside for a little bit, but you're such a hard worker. I know it."

Tomoya took the compliment with a smile. "I guess you really do know me, in the end," he whispered happily, looking down at the empty plate of food and the cup of milk she had so kindly given him despite his attitude, despite his state of mind. "But, Sanae-san...why exactly are you here? That's the one thing I just can't figure out."

"You said it yourself," she answered. "It been a few years since we've spoken. I felt that it was time to reconnect. I, uh, did come here for another reason, though."

"More than reconnecting, then?" he replied with a genuine, heart-warming laugh. "What's the reason, then?"

"The truth is, we've just lost a family member."

Tomoya's smile fell slightly at the news. "I'm...sorry for your loss, but I'm still not sure why that has anything to do with me."

"He was on Akio's side of the family. We have to travel very far to reach his family and go to the funeral, and it just won't be possible for us to make it back to the bakery during business hours," she explained. "Tomoya...we're hoping that you can watch over the bakery for us while we're gone."

And at that, his smile completely disappeared. "You want me...to-"

"Think about it, Tomoya!" Sanae interrupted, reaching for Tomoya's face and rubbing circles in his soft cheeks with her thumbs, trying to erase the worried, scared look plastered on his face. "I think that this will be a great way to get back into a normal life again! We'll pay you. You'll have a _job_ , and you'll have a place to stay. You'll have a chance to get reacquainted with a place you left behind so many years ago. It's a small step, but...it's a step."

Tomoya felt a hard knot of worry form in his throat. "H-How long will you be gone?"

"A month."

"A _month_? For a _funeral_?"

"Akio also sees this as the perfect time for us to get reacquainted with people we left behind, too," she explained hastily. "So we will actually be visiting multiple family members for a while, but _please_ , Tomoya. Please do this. Not just for us, but for yourself, too. It could help."

"I...I..."

Deep down, Tomoya knew she was right. Making up for his past and starting over again was supposed to be a step-by-step process, right? Just like Sanae said. It would be a small step. He would have a chance to be in the bakery, walk around the neighborhood. No one would be there to bother him. The memories would come flooding back, but he would have time to reflect on them all on his own. There was no one else to worry about but himself. Sanae had to be right. And who knows? Maybe, just maybe, if he listened this time...he would get better.

"I'll do it."

Sanae slowly pulled away from Tomoya with a huge grin, her eyes sparkling with tears threatening to spill over. "Thank you so much, Tomoya," she whispered, taking his hands and squeezing them tight. "Thank you."

Maybe. Just maybe. Things would get better.

* * *

 

"Did you do it?"

"Yes, I did."

"And did it work?"

"Of course! Why do you think I was gone for so long? Besides, he didn't need much persuasion. I think he was ready."

"You didn't mention-"

"No, of course I didn't mention that part. If I did, he would have said no in a heartbeat, you know that."

A sharp exhale rang in Sanae's ears from the phone's receiver. "Are you sure this is going to work?"

"Everything will work out fine. Just trust me."

"Alright...when should we leave?"

"Early tomorrow morning. I gave him the key and told him to be there by at least seven in the morning. We should be gone by six."

"Then I'll start packing. We're gone the entire month, right?"

"A month should be plenty of time."

"And if it's not?"

"Then we'll be there to help out. Either way, this will end. Everything will be okay."

"Okay. Alright...okay. I'll...see you when you get home then."

Sanae hung up and continued her brisk walk home from Tomoya's apartment. She had finally allowed herself to leave. Her job was done.

The drunk, careless, angry man she had met at the door was certainly not the same person she had last seen years ago. But Sanae couldn't help but feel that a tiny piece of the hopeful young boy he used to be was the one that waved enthusiastically as he watched her leave. She could have the old Tomoya back again in a month, and everything would be okay.

She smiled as she tightly wrapped her jacket around her and walked back home.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it! Sorry it's bit short this time around, but it's still a very important chapter, trust me. Thanks for reading, and I hope you'll all look forward to the fourth chapter!


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